How To Rule At Saturday Night

  • Refuse invitations to be social
  • Watch Community for the hundredth time
  • Go to bed at 8
  • Sleep in denim shorts so as to break them in
  • Wine on bedside table optional (but recommended)

Friday night. Home alone, drinking wine, chain smoking and listening to terrible music in a fur coat and ugg boots.

New low?

Healthy Ways To Deal With Break-Ups:

  • Replace food with wine
  • Failing that, replace food with cigarettes
  • Start listening to Taylor Swift
  • Identify with Taylor Swift lyrics
  • Convince yourself you have feelings for friends of the opposite sex
  • Send Facebook messages to ex-boyfriends at 11:00pm asking why they deleted you
  • Start writing a terribly maudlin, self-indulgent attempt at a novel

A check in every box, yo.

It’s midnight on a Thursday, so obviously I’m smoking, drinking red and dyeing my hair.

It’s midnight on a Thursday, so obviously I’m smoking, drinking red and dyeing my hair.